


drown my woes in a lake of fire

by Beb



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Brotherly Affection, Fix-It, Gen, Hurt Loki (Marvel), Hurt/Comfort, Injury Recovery, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Loki Gets a Hug (Marvel), Major Character Injury, Permanent Injury, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Recovery, Thor is a Good Bro (Marvel), Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-15 10:01:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29062500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beb/pseuds/Beb
Summary: After the Avengers defeated Thanos and Thor took off with the Guardians, he got a called from earth.It changed everything.
Relationships: Loki & Thor (Marvel)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 106





	drown my woes in a lake of fire

**Author's Note:**

> Another Endgame fix-it of mine, originally posted on the other platform, but I recently decided to cross-post on ao3 too.
> 
> Enjoy!

"You mean I'm the captain?"

"No, I mean _I'm_ the captain,"

"Hey, Thor." Thor was too busy discussing with Peter Quill about the same old topic to hear his name being called by the sweet rabbit. "Thor!" This time when Rocket raised his voice it grabbed Thor's attention.

"What?" Thor turned to look.

"For you," The rabbit held out a phone - not exactly a phone but a communication device.... well, a space phone. "From Earth." Rocket added.

The second Thor took the device from Rocket the smile faded away from his face. Ever since Thor passed the great responsibility of the throne on to Valkyrie to rule New Asgard on Earth, he told her not to call. Not that he wanted to shut her off, but Thor politely asked for times. She was a good friend and so were the others. The thing was; just by hearing from anyone related to his old life only reminded him of the memories he was trying to forget. The deep wound still fresh and raw. That's why he asked to be alone in the space with these friends who basically gave him a new life; a life that had nothing to do with his old one, a life where he could bury away his past and pretend they never existed.

"It's me." Thor said to the phone. He was tense and guarded.

"Thor," spoke the voice from the other side. Thor recognized it to be Valkyrie's. There was a pause like she wasn't sure what to say or was searching for the right words. It only made the anxiety in Thor's chest grow; what if something went wrong, what if Thanos returned, what if-

"We need you back here." Her voice interrupted his thoughts.

"Is everything okay?"

"Everything's fine...."

Thor could hear the wrongness in her voice. Maybe not wrongness but something he couldn't describe and it was there. She was definitely hiding something from him.

"What is it?" He asked, and heard her sigh.

"I- I don't know how. Maybe after we defeat him," Valkyrie avoided saying the name. Everybody avoided mentioning the name to Thor, knowing how Thor reacted every time he heard the name of the Mad Titan, "After we defeated him things are different. It seems the future's starting to change - no, the past. Everything he did become undone. Shit. I'm not making sense, am I?"

"Just say what it is." Thor was becoming impatient.

Though what the Valkyrie said next got him utterly speechless. 

______________________________ 

_New Asgard, Earth._

The ship landed gracefully on soft, green grass. Valkyrie was already there waiting for him, and so were Korg, Miek and the Asgardians.

"Where is he?" Was the first thing Thor said as a way of saying hello. The way he stomped forward with that look on his face told her he wasn't going for a hug. "I swear if this is some kind of a joke-"

"It's not a joke." Said Val, "Like I said; we undid what he did." Then she looked Thor from head to toes, "I see you've lost some weight there. Fit again. Still keeping the beard? I'd get rid of it, if I were you-"

"Where. Is. He?" Thor emphasized each word.

Val paused for a moment, then she said, "Follow me."

______________________________ 

She led him, Peter, Nebula and Drax down the village to the cabin at the end of the street. No one said a word during their little journey because everyone knew how mentally unstable Thor currently was, and they had no idea which word would rub him the wrong way, so it was better to play safe.

"Is he... in here?" Thor asked once they came to a stop, he felt his chest grow tight.

"He is," Val answered. She shot her hand out, placing it on top of Thor's the second Thor grabbed the knob.

"What?"

"There's something you should know,"

By the look on her face Thor knew he had to prepare himself; she omitted part of the truth while they were on the phone. Swallowing down his emotions, Thor said, "I'm listening."

"A hunter found him unconscious in the woods and brought him here. Frankly speaking; he looked like shit. So I called your friend; Stephen Strange. He arrived hours before you and already checked up on him. He's not well, Thor.

"Not well how?"

Valkyrie paused, glancing away for a few seconds and Thor had to hold back the urge to grab her shoulders and shake her, or just stomp into the cabin and see it with his own eyes. But then she said, "Your doctor friend said his brain didn't get oxygen for way too long. He doesn't know when - or if - he's going to wake up. And if he does wake up, there's no guarantee it's going to be the same person you know. He's.... most likely suffering from what Midgardians called a permanent brain damage. Oh and we kind of turn the cabin into his own medical ward."

Thor knew he must've made some kind of expression because Valkyrie quickly said, "But at least he's breathing." _After seven times of emergency life support protocols; heart stopped beating and Strange had to perform CPR on him._ But Thor didn't need to know that. "He's alive and he's breathing."

Thor just nodded slowly. When Valkyrie removed her hand Thor opened the door, braced himself for what was waiting for him.

______________________________ 

Seeing Loki felt... surreal. Like a dream. Ones he have had so many times during the past five years; so many nights of waking up screaming with forehead covered in sweat, so many nights of seeing his brother die in front of him. Those lost dream kept haunting him every time he closed his eyes.

Thor was alone with Loki after asking Valkyrie for personal time, after saying goodbye to the Guardians team. "Thank you, but I think I'll stay. My brother needs me and I have to take care of him. It's been fun. If in the future you guys happen to drop by on Earth, make sure you come say hi. You know where to find me." He had said.

Loki was sleeping - a sleep where Thor didn't know if he was going to wake again. He quickly shoved the thought away. They didn't spend five years apart just so they could reunite but at the same time the other didn't really come back. No. Loki had to wake up and he had to be fine. Thor wouldn't accept it any other way.

"Loki," Thor spoke gently, reassuringly. Hand running through his brother's raven hair. He told himself Loki could hear him so he kept speaking, because if not then Thor knew the silence would drive him insane.

"I did it, brother. I avenge you." He went on, trying not to dwell his eyes on the dark, ugly bruise around Loki's throat. Norns, he never remembered Loki looking so pale. So thin.

"I wish you could see it. I went for the head." Thor summoned a smile, but it felt forced, hollow even. He finally got Loki back, yet he never felt so empty.

______________________________ 

Thor slept poorly. He thought now that he could eventually hold his brother's hand he would be able to close his eyes and not having to worry about the nightmares he was wrong. The fear didn't leave him alone; _what if someone takes him away from you again? What if he never wakes?_ Many times Thor woke with a start, panting hard. He'd hover over Loki's face; still sleeping soundlessly (sleep. Just sleep) He was here and no one was taking him away.

No one could take him away again, Thor would make sure of that.

______________________________ 

When Loki first opened his eyes it was a week later. Thor was doing the chores when he heard movement and whimper. He quickly rushed to the bed where Loki remained and saw his brother was trying to prop himself up on his elbows, at the same time looking around with what seemed to be fear and confusion in his eyes. Norns, he must be so lost. So scared. Waking up after years of being dead in a strange place. 

The thoughts crossed Thor's mind that Loki was also a victim of his own nightmare; the difference was that Thor was able to wake up. Loki couldn't for so long; trapped in the ill dreams where the Titan had its hand around his throat, oxygen burnt from his lungs.

"Loki," said Thor once he finally found his voice. It appeared Loki had just noticed Thor's presence then. He looked at him and the hope Thor had wavered a little when there was no sign of recognition in his eyes.

"Loki, it's me." Thor slowly approached. He felt it was harder and harder trying to contain all these overwhelming emotions flooding through him. This. This was real. Thor wasn't hallucinating it like before.

"Norns, Loki." When he could no longer contain himself he leaped out to embrace Loki with desperate longing to make up for the lost years.

"You were dead," His voice cracked, but he didn't care. Loki didn't hug back. He didn't care, either. "You were dead. I - I thought I lost you." Thor choked on his own sobs, keeping caressing Loki's hair. He only pulled away when there was no reaction from Loki.

"Brother," Thor said, cupping Loki's face with both hands. Loki was looking at him, but his eyes were unfocused, lack of emotions. Like a ghost. And Thor came to realization he had to ask the question he didn't know if he was ready for the answer.

"Loki, do you know who I am?"

Silence.

Thor gulped, swallowing down that lump in his throat, and asked again, "Do you know who you are?"

It did look like Loki was trying to say something, to force some words out his mouth but he didn't know the answer so he ended up saying nothing. His body shuddering. His gaze shifted to the side then down to his lap. The Loki Thor knew never afraid of making eye contact. Not even with Thanos. Thor felt his insides twist, and pretended to ignore it. "It's okay," he said, "I'm here now. No more harm can come to you, you have my word, brother." Then he hugged Loki again, more gently this time. It felt wrong, but Thor held his brother closely and carefully, trying not to mind Loki's whimper of discomfort and how his trembling body was trying to get away with that little strength he had left.

_This is right,_ Thor told himself despite how unconvincing it sounded. He got Loki back. Nothing else mattered.

______________________________ 

"You shaved?" Valkyrie said, "Finally."

"I think - I think maybe it'd help Loki remember me, remember himself, if he sees familiar face." Thor knew it was stupid, but he was desperate. At first he thought Val would laugh, but he should've known her better by now. She wasn't that type of person to shower people with pretty lies, shy may not know how to sweet talk, but she knew when to give sincere comfort by just... being there.

"How's he doing?" She asked.

The look on Thor's face gave it away.

"That bad?"

"He wouldn't respond!" Thor blurted out, "I mean he's awake and all, but he's just- not here. I have to feed him, bath him, take care of him-"

"Are you complaining?" Valkyrie cut him off.

"What?"

"Taking care of him. Is that a problem for you? Because if so then I'm sure there're places you can-"

"No!" Anger rose in Thor's voice. "No. Never. I'd never send him away. He's my brother, and I have no problem looking after him. I just- I wish he'd remember me! Remember who he is! I just want him to get better and come back to me."

"And he did."

"Did he though?" Thor's laugh was dry and lack of humor. Wasn't that what he'd been telling himself every night?

"It's still better than not having him at all, isn't it?" She didn't wait for Thor's response as she walked away, leaving him alone on the edge of beautiful Norway cliff where laid below; mad ocean waves crashing against sharp rocks.

As always the sky was cloudy and rainy, and there was no sun. The sun could never shine, and Thor never felt so cold.

______________________________ 

"Are you hungry?" Thor asked, waiting for a response he knew wouldn't come. If Loki got thinner when he was brought here it got even worse when a week went by, after he opened his eyes, and he barely ate anything to regain his strength. Hard food was out of options because, according to Strange, soup was the only thing he could consume till his damaged throat healed. But two spoonful of stew was the most Thor could feed him per meal, then he would simply turn away and curl in on himself. Thor wished he could grab Loki's jaw open and force him to eat - he physically could, but would he hurt Loki who was already very afraid of everything though? 

_Give it a couple more days,_ Thor made a mental note; if by then Loki still refused to eat, Thor would have to talk to Strange about other option. He remembered the wizard mentioned something about IV drip, or force-feeding via tube. Thor really hoped with all his heart it wouldn't come down to that.

"Then you must be thirsty. Here," Thor placed the neglected bowl of stew, that Loki ignored completely without so much as open his mouth to let Thor feed him, to the side and brought a water bottle to his brother's lips. At least Loki did part them and swallowed down clean water.

Thor pretended not to notice the pain in his own chest when he saw Loki's face scrunch up every time he gulped; his neck was still injured, and swallowing hurt.

This wouldn't have happened at all, if Loki hadn't tried to save Thor five years ago when there were on the Statesman.

When Loki decided he'd had enough, or perhaps simply couldn't take the pain anymore, he pulled away and turned his back towards Thor, curling in on himself again. Part of Thor wanted to sigh, another part understood how much rest his brother needed.

______________________________ 

Loki wasn't quite awake when Thor heard him whimpering. It was twenty minutes past midnight, but Thor remained wild awake - too many thoughts crossing his mind that he found it hard to drift off.

"Loki?" Thor lifted his head up from the pillow to look at another bed in his room where he had them locate it here so Loki would always be close, so Thor could keep an eye on him.

"Loki," with a groan Thor rose on his feet and crossed the room to Loki's bed. He was.... having a nightmare it seemed.

"Loki," Thor's hand on Loki's that were clawing at his own neck, prying them away with a little force before he could hurt himself, "Loki, wake up. Loki."

His eyes shot open, and he was panting hard. For a second it looked like he was trying to fight Thor, but then he quickly claimed himself down. "It was only a dream. You're fine." Thor said and Loki was shaking. He was shaking like a leaf and he was crying quietly.

Out of instinct Thor reached a hand out and placed it on the side of Loki's neck; it was what they always did, what Thor always did to cool down his brother. And Thor didn't think it through. The second he touched Loki's neck Loki flinched away, Thor quickly retracted his hand.

"I'm.... sorry," Thor said, voice cracked. Loki didn't say anything. But he backed himself away from Thor till his back hit the wall, colors drained out of his face and he was still panting hard, his breathing came out shallow and unsteady mixed with occasional sobbing. And there was nothing Thor could do to help. 

Thor never felt so clueless.

______________________________ 

"- And then we rebuilt it here. Here you are safe. This is your home, Loki. Our home." There was a crack in Thor's voice, his hands held his brother's so tenderly.

Loki's shoulders hunched. At least there was a reaction; he did turn from the window to look at Thor. "H-home," He stuttered, voice so pitifully young, hoarse and weak, but it was the first time Thor heard his voice ever since he woke up. Or to be exact the last time he heard Loki speak was five years ago, with Thanos. Thor shoved that reminder away and focused on that warm breeze of joy blowing through his heart.

"Yes, brother," he said with a smile, his hold on Loki's hand tightened a little. "Home."

______________________________ 

"He will never be back to normal, will he?" Thor asked Stephen. They stood side by side watching Loki sit there on the edge of the cliff, in a safe distance, of course. It was a beautiful day today, not sunny but _'beautiful day'_ in here meant it 'looked like it wasn't going to rain' so Thor decided to bring Loki out for some fresh air.

"Hard to say," Stephen said, then he sighed and continued, "Chances are close to zero. Close, but not zero. You have to be patient, give him times. Didn't you say he said something."

"He did," Thor nodded. Mostly when Loki talked it was bare-minimum response and it took him times to actually say one word, like his brain couldn't process as fast as normal people could, but it was better than nothing. He was recovering. Or so Thor had to believe his brother was recovering.

"Then that's good." Stephen bit back the 'it may takes years, or it may takes forever' part and skipped forward to, "As long as you don't give up, there's always hope, my friend." Then he patted Thor's shoulder in a comforting manner before walking away, figuring Thor would want personal time with Loki.

Loki didn't turn to look, didn't even seem to notice when Thor sat down next to him on soft grass. Right, because his brain needed longer to process than normal people. Only when Thor carefully pulled him close to his chest did he seem to notice he was no longer alone.

To Thor's surprise and huge relief Loki didn't try to pull away like he usually did, didn't look scared. He even seemed to relax. Then he leaned towards the touch, the top of his head rested under Thor's chin and Thor hugged him just a bit tighter. "Norns, I missed you, Loki." Thor said, stealing a quick kiss on the top of his brother's head. And even though Loki didn't say anything back he did snuggle close to Thor.

And this, this was the first. Maybe it was nothing, maybe it was just a coincidence.

Or maybe it was the first step.

Then, when Thor looked up at the sky the clouds were gone and the sun was shining on them.

**Author's Note:**

> If you folks want more of me, I am also available on [Tumblr.](http://bebx.tumblr.com/) Come chat. The inbox is open there.


End file.
